The Unspoken Truth
by Hopeless Wanderer
Summary: When Lois finds out Clarks secret by accident, her reality shatters, leaving her to pick up mixed emotions. She plays a dangerous game when she uses the hurt and betrayal to deny a love she knows will always be there. R&R please!


My very first superman fic here! I've been dying to write this for weeks but just couldn't find the time. When I finally watched the movie again (3d in the IMAX theatre! 20 minutes only though…), I decided to lock myself inside my room and get to work on this! Good thing I didn't have any exams to study for. Without further ado, my fanfic… The Unspoken Truth!

Disclaimer: I do not own Superman nor any of the characters mentioned.

Oh and if it isn't obvious… it's a ClarkxLois fic.

**Chapter 1: Truths and Confessions

* * *

**_I'll always be around…_

Those four words incessantly echoed in her head. Four very simple words that held an equally simple truth, yet at the same time it meant everything to her. It was a wonder how his simple proclamation could spark up a hope that she thought died out a long time ago. And while Lois knew that it was wrong to be heartened by that fact, she couldn't deny the warmth that it spread in her.

She watched as the pale moonlight shrouded his retreating form, wishing that she were there up with him. It wasn't the fanciful theatrics of getting to prance around high above the city limits that made her love the excursion. Rather, it was the feeling of being alone with him, momentarily free of having to give a damn about anything else. Up there, she felt this unprecedented feeling of peace, a far cry from the ever-stirring world she was forced to plunge into day after day.

A soft sigh subtly expressed her thoughts as she brought herself out of her reverie. Feeling something trickle down her cold cheek, she took her hand up to wipe a lone tear that had escaped unnoticed. Silently, she turned around and made her way back inside the house. With her mind still playing around previous thoughts, she idly looked up at the window of her five year old boy, only to be disappointed when she saw his fragile form leaning against the window sill, staring blankly into the same moonlit sky she was facing moments before.

"Jason, it's late…" she called out. There was somewhat a lack of the usual conviction in her tone but it was still enough to get a point across to her son. "Get back to sleep."

The little boy jumped at the sound of her voice and looked down in surprise. "Oops!" the blond piped before scurrying into his bedroom.

Lois sighed and allowed herself a soft chuckle before going indoors. Even in the short walk, her body felt like it was weighed down with reluctance. Each step closer made her feel like she was being pulled back into a life of deception and denial. A life she had lived for five years under the effects of a bitter mind. And when she finally stepped inside the lavish abode, she took a look around and couldn't help feeling like she was out of place, like she didn't belong.

Maybe because she _knew_ she didn't belong. No matter how many times she tried to tell herself otherwise, _this_ wasn't her home. It became quite clear to her when she realized that she spent five miserable years trying to tell herself that she could settle here, yet it only took one look at the love she tried to deny to deem all those efforts pointless.

_What I am thinking? _she weakly scolded herself.

Lois tried to brush her current thoughts off, making her way through the dimly lit halls. But the lingering silence in the place was doing nothing to help her subdue the thirst for answers and direction. In fact, it even attributed to the growing turmoil inside her. Admittedly, she was just thinking too much for her own damn good. And when she stopped in front of the living room, the kitchen hardly visible, her mind was unsurprisingly sent tumbling back into deep thought.

It was a few days ago when she had lied to Richard. He asked her a question… _the_ question she hoped he would never have to ask her. _Were you in love with him,_ the words rung in her head. She did her best to point the looming conversation in a different direction using the same tactics she would frequently use as a reporter. Unfortunately, her fiancé was well versed in the sly ways of the press, being part of it himself. And so she had to resort to lying. Of course, she had to do it all the time. But to lie to someone who carried her complete trust, that was a totally different matter. Though at that time, half of her just wanted to force in the thought that she didn't love Superman. The other half was too mixed up in emotions to argue.

She shuffled through her personal timeline and jumped to the present situation. Frankly, she wouldn't have been surprised if Richard found out the truth after all that had happened. He would've been an idiot not to notice that they shared something special in the past, and even more of an idiot if he failed to see that they still had a thing for each other. How could he not, after seeing the way they looked at each other with this discreet yet burning passion in their eyes, after seeing how he had this effect on her that could somehow bring out an emotional side of her he never even knew was there.

What her fiancé was undoubtedly thinking right now weighed her heart down like an anchor. And as the guilt built up in her, she found herself trying to hide the shameful expression she bore, almost as if someone was watching her. She quickly turned her heel and scampered up the nearby stairs, leaving behind the daunting reflections. But as she reached the top, a muffled voice stopped her in her tracks.

"Mommy can you tuck me in?" her five year old called out. "Again," he added, just in case his mom decided to get technical on him.

Lois gave a deep sigh and made a short detour to Jason's room. She was somewhat reluctant in doing so, her own rest making a much more enticing offer. Her brain was overworked, on and off job hours, and she welcomed every bit of sleep she got with arms wide open. Especially now, when all she wanted was to get away from all her problems, even for a while. But entering the room, she knew that she had already given in to the innocent request. For what reason, she was too worn out to comprehend.

She turned on the lights in the room and let her eyes adjust to the glare as a little figure came into view, lying beneath the comfort of his blanket. "You shouldn't be up this late…" she started, giving her son that motherly tone as she took a seat on the side of his bed.

"It's not my fault, mommy," he said in defense. "I just woke up from the cold," he explained simply before giving her a speculating look, "I think Superman forgot to close my window."

"Superman?" Lois did her best to put on a surprised tone, not wanting to give her son something to ponder on. "Now why would he be here?" she asked, knowing well that he had come to check up on his son.

Jason giggled lightly and shrugged. "I don't know…" he said in a playful tone, like they were having some sort of game, "Would you know?"

"Hmmm…" Deciding to play along, Lois put a finger on her chin and looked up for dramatics. "Maybe he just wanted to see how we were doing." It wasn't the whole truth, but it was part of it. And it would definitely have to do for the mean time. He wasn't ready for the complicated reality of his life.

Jason grinned, feeling kind of special in a way. Little did he know that he really was. "Are you friends with Superman, mommy?" he asked, taking Lois by surprise. He looked at his mother with innocent curiosity in his bright blue eyes, rendering her unable to lie.

"Why would you say that?" She couldn't lie to her son, but that didn't mean she couldn't avoid the question.

"Because it looked like you knew him," he said, putting it simply with the matching casual tone.

And with that overwhelming piece of evidence, Lois had to surrender to her perceptive son. _Blame it on kids and their presumption that everybody's friends with each other,_ she scoffed inwardly, ignoring the fact that all Jason's test results proved him wise beyond his years. "Well, I guess you could say that," she admitted indirectly.

"If you're his friend," he began in a cautious tone, "why did you write bad things about him?" He looked up at her with a baffled expression, awaiting the answer that would clear things up for him.

_He's too smart for his own good, _Lois noted, mixing up the concern for his welfare with the concern for hers. "Maybe… because I was angry," she said carefully. Lois paused to think, even she still had to let the thought ease into her own mind.

"Why were you angry? Did he do something bad, mommy?"

Lois hesitated for a while, not really wanting to disclose the details as she herself still found it a touchy topic. "He left without saying goodbye," she finally muttered, though more to herself. Somehow, the conversation with her son was helping her do some soul-searching in one way or another. And consequently, it helped her mind settle down. She didn't really have the answers she needed, but at least now she could come up with questions that needed to be answered.

"Maybe he just forgot," Jason commented, bringing his mother out of deep thought.

"Maybe." She knew better but didn't want to complicate things for him, missing the fact that Superman would've been an awful friend, or in her case something more, to have forgotten something as important as that. "But it still hurt," she told him, expressing what mattered.

A long, uneasy silence hung their conversation until Jason finally decided to reinitiate their talk. "Have you forgiven him?"

It was a simple question, but one she still had to contemplate on before giving a definite answer. _Have I forgiven him? After five years of telling myself I could never? _"I think I have," she stated, surprising herself with her own words. "He did save our lives didn't he?" Though it was part of the reason, her son's wellbeing being the main point of focus, there was a lot more to it. But she herself still had to figure that other part out.

"He did! You should've seen him!" he said in awe, his words reminding her of the fact that she was unconscious during the rescue. "He lifted the whole ship out of the water!" he added, throwing his arms up for emphasis.

"That was only half the ship," she pointed out, her particular side coming out.

"But still!" he rebounded, "It was so cool!"

"I'm sure it was," she assured him, giving him a light pat on the head.

"When I grow up I want to be like Superman!" he exclaimed. The irony of his statement made a light giggle escape from Lois, though Jason thought it was because of his bizarre proclamation. "You think I can, mommy? I've already saved you… from that bad man at the boat, right?" he beamed, making her wonder why he didn't feel the least bit weird. But soon the pride in his face turned into a look of pure concern, "Do you think he's alright? I didn't really mean to hurt him."

"I'm sure he's fine," she lied uneasily, _yeah right, after being crushed by a piano?_ How was she supposed to tell a five year old that he had killed a man to save his mother? How horrified he would be, she just didn't want to think of. She gave him a reassuring smile and he returned it gratefully. "And Jason, if you want to be like Superman, you'll have to get your sleep," she said slyly. Even in the most obscure situations, she knew how to get her way around. "Now go to bed."

Jason instantly closed his eyes, snared by the possibility of getting to be like the most idolized person, or whatever he was, in human history. Lois let out another faint chuckle at her son's antics. She kissed her sons forehead, letting his smile betray the fact that he was still awake, and turned to leave the room. She closed the lights and was about to close the door behind her when she heard her son's voice again.

"Goodnight, mommy," he called, "Can you say goodnight to daddy for me?"

"I will," she smiled, brushing off the thought that she already had before entering the house, "Goodnight." She closed the door and took a deep breath before making her way to her own room.

She didn't know why, but she felt a little better after that short talk with her son. Maybe it was the knowledge that he held Superman in high regard, and he might possibly learn to accept the truth that Superman is his biological father. Maybe it was the revelation that she had forgiven him, much to her surprise as well. Or maybe it was just Jason's way of putting things simply that pieced seemingly incoherent thoughts together. What mattered was, it actually did her some good.

She was only brought out of her contemplations when she entered her room and saw the Richard seated against the headboard of their bed. "Oh, you're still awake."

"Yeah, couldn't sleep without you," he admitted. "Where'd you go?" he asked rather suspiciously.

"Outside…" she started, "to think." Though he still had a skeptical look on his face when she finished, like he knew something else had happened. She tried to leave it at that as she climbed under the sheets on her side of the bed. But when she couldn't bear her standing deception she faltered. "Then I ran in to Superman."

"Ran in?" he asked disbelievingly, annoying Lois a bit. "Are you sure it wasn't more than just coincidence?" His words had an unnervingly valid basis. And it didn't sit well with her seeing how doubtful he was being, even though he had every reason to.

"Richard, it's not–"

"Lois," he interrupted, using the same name dropping tactic she used, "don't make this any harder for us… or for Jason."

This time, Lois found her breath caught in her throat, realizing where this conversation was leading. She was expecting many things among others, but _this_ she definitely didn't come prepared for. He had totally caught her off guard, and she didn't stand a fighting chance against his prepared words.

"Five years… we've been together for five years, Lois," he began, giving emphasis to the extent of their relationship. Lois tried her best to suppress the guilt complex growing inside her. "And for five years I've been blind to the constant fact that your heart was never mine to begin with."

She had no comeback, she couldn't have had one. Not when his words spoke the ultimate truth while her own thoughts were so messed up. He lit up a fact that she didn't want to acknowledge. And all that she was able to manage was a weak stand, "That's not true…"

"It is… I can swear on my life it is," he said in a surprising amount of conviction. "Everybody else sensed it. And I think that deep inside, I did too. It was foolish of me to even think that you could ever be mine and I could ever be yours." And even without looking at him, she could tell by the tone of his voice that it took a lot out of him just to say that.

"Richard…" She wanted to say something. But she just couldn't. How could she? She couldn't lie to him, not anymore. Everything she kept from him for the past five years was brought to light, and she no longer had the will to deny anything.

"Lois, please. We've been fooling ourselves for five long years," he said rather bitterly. "Don't you think it's time for a reality check? I will _never_ be able to fill the void in your heart. And while it pains me to admit it, only one man can."

His words held so much truth in them. They carried a powerful message that was able to break through the barriers of her stubbornness. It would have been different if it were somebody else telling her all this. But no, this was Richard White, her fiancé, or predictably something less by the time the conversation ended. He was the one pointing it out already: he wasn't the right man for her, and she knew very well who was. For that, Lois fell silent, much in humility.

When she remained in silence, he took that as his cue to continue. "The truth is, I can't bear being like this," he confessed. "If this goes on, I'll be living each day knowing that all I am is the person that's hindering you from loving the only one who can ever make your life complete. I just can't live with that," the selfless words came out of his mouth like crystalline waters which reflected the miserable relationship they would have.

In the end, she found herself succumbing to the blatant truth in his words. Finally ready to give in, she muttered softly, "What do you want me to say?"

He sighed, like he was being asked to explain the obvious. "Just tell me that you'll stop wasting precious years of your life drowning yourself in your private pool of self-pity and angst. Get over yourself and think of the reasonable thing to do."

Lois fell silent yet again. He was right. She didn't want to admit it, but he was damn right. Somehow, she had locked up all the emotions she felt for Superman, going to the extent of denying the fact of her ever loving him. But deep down, she knew it was all one big travesty, a growing lie that built similarly growing barriers around her heart. Barriers that only one man could shatter, and it wouldn't be through his superhuman strength.

"Plus, it would be better for Jason," Richard's words pierced through her thoughts again.

When she finally took in the full meaning of his words, her eyes widened in shock. "W-What do you mean?" Although she had a good idea of what he had in mind.

"Lois, I know," he revealed. It was something she wished he would never have to find out… her biggest lie yet. "It's funny… this evening, he came to me worried about some guy he had somehow hurled a piano at," he said it so casually, but she knew that behind the seemingly unfazed demeanor lay feelings of hurt, anger, and most importantly betrayal. "After that, I guess it didn't really take that long to put the pieces of the puzzle together."

The room went silent for a while. And then Lois finally spoke up, remorse evident in her tone. "I'm sorry you had to find out that way," she apologized weakly, "I should have told you."

"Yes, you should have… But what's done is done." Being level-headed was one characteristic she could always admire in Richard. It never ceased to amaze her how he could never have a negative outlook in life. "All I know is that we still can shape our future, as well as Jason's. The time will come when even I won't be able to give him the parental advice he will need. Can't you see, Lois? It's evident that fate never had any plans of us getting together."

His efforts to push her in the right direction finally caught up to her. And while it was obvious what she had to do now, she couldn't help the nagging feeling at the back of her head. "How can you be so selfless, Richard?"

"I'm not," he said softly, "I'm also doing this for me." It _was_ really part of the reason. He didn't want to be part of some make-believe love, a love that could never consummate. Even Lois knew that he was too good for that.

She nodded silently and didn't bother to argue.

After a few moments Lois felt a hand slip over hers, and she almost pulled back reflexively, until she found out what Richard was really doing. "I don't think you need this anymore," he whispered softly, and it seemed like he choked back a tear. He gently pushed the ring off Lois' finger. All she could do was look away in shame. Near the tip of her finger, he stopped tentatively, as if he was waiting for her to stop him. But when she didn't make a move, he sighed and pulled it off. With it, came all hope of them ever being together.

"I'm so sorry," she apologized again, something she wasn't really known for. But here she was, humbled by the same humility in her now ex-fiancée. "You've been such a great guy. I mean… you've been there practically all the time for me, and yet the only thing I'm capable of giving you is heartache."

"Don't say that," it was all he could say, because a great part of him knew it was true. "Just promise me that you'll strive for your own happiness. Then I'll find peace in my heart, knowing that I did the right thing." Another batch of selfless words that didn't really sit well with Lois. It was too much for her. He obviously cared about her more than she could ever imagine, yet she couldn't return the feeling with the same amour. All she could do now was agree, it was the most she could do for him.

"I will," she whispered, assuring him that he didn't need to worry about her any more.

"Good. That's all I needed to hear," he said, content with what she had to say. "Now get some rest, you've been under too much stress lately." He rolled over and reached to turn off the desk lamp that had been lighting the room the whole time. And finally, the room had its share of darkness, blending in with the rest of the house.

"Thank you, Richard," Lois whispered several moments later, not really sure if he was still awake.

She couldn't have known that he still was. Because at that time, Richard chose to stay quiet. He had done enough talking for the night, and only one thought allowed itself in his mind before he drifted off to sleep. _Only for you, Lois. Only for you… _

* * *

Aight! The first chapter's up! And depending on the review count, I'll see whether I should continue or not… hopefully enough people take interest in my story. Oh and if people do, I might have to say in advance that I can't update as fast as the other guys here. My summer's passed already and I have my college life to look after. Not to mention other fics I have to update. But I just had to get this fic up. Hopefully you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. And pretty please give comments and feedback? Hopefully constructive criticism too! I love constructive criticism… but keep in mind the word constructive. Thanks!

Hopeless Wanderer


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